Why I’ve decided not to have a baby shower

For my first pregnancy my two friends planned a whole baby shower for me and it was lovely… Of course for your first definitely think it’s a must, but now this is my second pregnancy, and I kinda just don’t want to have one…

I know I know i can already here people saying well why not I still don’t get it? I think my answer is going to be short and sweet. When I had Lorenzo it was a exciting time for my friends, but since being a mother for almost two years I can count on one hand how many times those friends at my first baby shower have actually spent the time with me and my family. And the sad retailty is I can also count on one hand who my real friends are and have been there since the beginning to now.

My second reason for no baby shower the second time around is because hubby and I have everything we need and what we wanted we have already went out and bought for our baby girl, and yes we would just ask for no gifts and get it short and simple but this is what brings me to my third reason for not having a baby shower.

Hubby ( he doesn’t like his name shared on social media) comes from a split family and they kind of have their own troubles to face right now… And unfortunately when it comes to both of our families mixing it just doesn’t work out and for us we like to keep them very separate which is sad for our children but again if you knew the whole story people would understand, but it’s not my story to tell and I think there’s a time and place and writing a blog about it all is not one of them. Also this brings back to my first point I actually don’t know who I would invite as my friendship circle is probably only about three real friends!?

A lot changes when you have children and I’ve sadly had to learn this the hard way. And that’s ok I’ve moved on and I’m adjusting, but inviting people to my baby shower is not just about me this time around it’s about who’s actually going to be their for my children even when all the excitement is done and dusted, and it’s sad because I look back on my first baby shower and feel sad that Lorenzo has all these books signed by people who I really thought would be their for him and my family still but the sad reality is there not anymore and that’s ok. You learn a lot from your first and you change a lot and for the second you do what you want to do I’m not here to please other people I’m here for my own happiness.

I would love to here from second time or third time around mummas and if your story is different or the same? For me I’m thinking of doing a babymoon with hubby and have a weekend away with him and just spend that time together before our lives change again for the second time. We love Melbourne and probably will go back or just a road trip some place?

20 weeks down, 20 to go!

This week in pregnancy has been a very easy going week for me, this week definitely felt like a nice walk in the park compared to other weeks.

This week’s symptoms:

• heartburn when eating really salty foods hits me like a ton of breaks so I tend to stay away from those as much as possible.

• headaches that last a while definitely still there and annoying.

But that’s really all I have to report for pregnancy symptoms, it’s been a easy week in terms of real pregnancy symptoms.

Bump update:

Size of a sweet potato according to the app.

How I’m emotionally feeling:

This week I’ve felt hit and miss a little, I’m definitely ready for work to be over for the year as I think just the over all work load is starting to hit me like a ton of bricks and being pregnant on-top of that isn’t the easiest. I’m tired 50% of the time but like every other day I just have to keep going no matter how much I just want to curl up back in bed.

Baby girl movements:

Unfortunately I haven’t really felt baby girl kick yet, I do feel her move from time to time, this week’s movements have gone down a little bit which had me a little worried at first but I still feel her time to time.

Ovarian cyst’s update:

At my last scan my doctor actually checked up on my ovaries and turns out they have decreased in size heaps this pregnancy and my ovaries are looking healthy. This pregnancy seems to be helping my ovaries and making them healthy which is good news as with my first pregnancy they were really bad.

Back problems:

My lower back pains seem to just be a pregnancy thing unfortunately. When speaking to my doctor about this he said it was very normal when it came my pregnancy being close together. I’m trying to take it easy but again as we only have one week left of work with the children we have been flat out busy. So it’s hard to take it easy when work has been so crazy!

Holy crap hormones!?

19 weeks pregnant and acting like a crazy women…. Is this normal!

This week has been such a bag of hidden emotions I didn’t even know I had… When people say every pregnancy is different they are not lying! With Lorenzo it was a very “medical” pregnancy I was in and out of hospital and even after he was born we still had health issues. With baby girl it’s definitely a whole lot better compared to Lorenzo but boy oh boy I have never experienced pregnancy symptoms so much in my life!

I’m going to be honest with you all, I’m so done with being pregnant this for me is well and truly it! I’ve got my boy and now my girl and I’m out! Pregnancy is so much harder the second time around and I can only imagine it gets worse the more kids you add on! And I’m struggling this week, back pains are at a level 8 out of 10, I only have a good night sleep in I have my pregnancy pillow, I’m so tired from full time work and running after a almost two year old and when you add in pregnancy on top it’s a nightmare. I can’t wait to give birth in April and work on myself again and this baby making body!

Pregnancy systems:

• hormones! I’ve cried, I’ve laughed and I’ve been a bitch and yes sometimes all at the same time this week!?

• back pains, lower back is killing me this week and definitely think if it doesn’t go away soon I’ll head to the doctors and see what I can do to improve my lower back muscles.

• morning sickness apparently back and I’m not happy about it! It’s not every day but on and off this week and I’ve been lucky and only thrown up once just felt like crap the rest of times.

Energy levels this week:

Honestly my energy levels are low! I’m so ready for the Christmas holidays I have three weeks left of work then a two week break and it’s much needed right now this very week.

Belly update:


Still loving my soup but also can now add cucumber, around 3pm most working days I’ll find myself snacking on a whole cucumber and chatting with my boss.

Baby movements:

Haven’t felt kicks yet but can from time to time feel her moving around and doing her thing, would love to feel the strong kicks soon.

We had our Ob check up this week and got to see baby girl, her heart beat is sitting at 130 and she is very happy and connect but the looks of things in the belly.

Can’t wait to see what 20 weeks looks like for the both of us.

The Caesar family ❌

18 weeks of pregnancy

Well it finally happened! I finally went out and bought a pregnancy pillow. Definitely was needed as sleep has become a very non enjoyable time for me, baby girl doesn’t like if I lay on my right or left side and I struggle sleeping on my back so I’ve decided to give the good old pregnancy pillow a try.

Also I really wished I could pass on the heart burn this pregnancy, but unfortunately this week its come back in full swing and has even made me throw up… So definitely not enjoying this feeling but it could be worse and I’m glad it’s not.

This week’s symptoms:

• heart burn

• break sleep some nights

• tiredness

• sickness

This pregnancy has been so different from Lorenzo but definitely for the better, I was in and out of hospital with my son and this time around the only bad thing I have to say is I get the worset heartburn.

How my ovaries are going:

With Lorenzo I was told I had ovarian cyst’s and they reached a size of 30ml, at the beginning of this pregnancy I definitely was feeling the same sharp pains I did with lorenzo and I knew straight away it was my ovaries. After having a scan on them I was told my cyst’s are back but in a form of a heap of little ones which apparently is some what normal in pregnancy and my doctor doesn’t seem to be worried. As for my pain levels they definitely are not as bad compared to my last pregnancy and I was told to just take it easy which will manage my pain levels.

Energy levels: I thought I would add on a few extra details into my weekly updates and one I’ve been feeling I talk about a lot is my energy levels. My friends say they have noticed I’m not as tired as I was when I was pregnant with Lorenzo and I definitely can notice those moments, but I honestly think I’m just better at this whole being pregnant part because it’s not my first time. Personally I feel way more tired than last time but I definitely think it’s because last pregnancy I could just sleep when I wanted a nap… Clearly I don’t get that this time around because I have a almost two year old. But definitely feel I’m handling my energy levels a whole lot better than last pregnancy.

18 week bump shot!

Diet: my weight management this pregnancy has definitely been a whole lot better than last pregnancy but I think it helps when my only craving this whole pregnancy has been soup and I’ve been having soup every day for lunch at work. I definitely could be a whole lot better but I think I’m doing ok, I haven’t gone up a dress size at all this pregnancy just yet which is an amazing record for me.

Can’t wait to see what the nineteenth week brings!

The Caesar family ❌

My journey with god

Growing up we were heavily involved in church, some of my favourite childhood memories is attending my grandparents church with them on Christmas Eve and it was the one time of year the church service was held outside on the grass with all the other families. I loved that as a family we were listening to the story about how baby Jesus was born, They had fun activities for the kids and I always knew after going to church it meant going to bed after and waking up Christmas day.

I’ve been a Catholic my whole life, sure I went through a stage of not attending church and becoming real bored and I had other things to do, I was the classic moody teen / early adulthood. I met the wrong guy for me who was everything my parents hated, he smoked, he was rude and yet I spent all my time with him… I really lost who I was as a person at that stage of my life I was studying and I quit that to be with him more, I stopped going to church, heck I even stopped going to family events!

After that very toxic relationship I moved back in with my parents and began working with kids again and I really found myself, I found Hayden as well. He was the right boy and opened that door for me, we took things nice and slow we chatted for a month before we went on our first real date, he asked me to be his girlfriend on our second.

I never felt judgement for my beliefs from the beginning with Hayden, and he has been an open book from day one. Telling me he wasn’t dating to date anymore and that he saw this long term, he wanted kids in the future and also was honest about the Navy which he was in the intake round at the time. When we first talked about our beliefs and I told him I do believe in God and my family is very Catholic I was scared, in today’s society it’s not shared too much as Catholics are more judged than saying your Christian. Hayden told me his family story and how he did grow up in a church background but for a few years stopped going and believing, after hearing his family story and how messed up it was for him I began to understand and we both agreed to respect each other and support our choices.

Six years have passed since this conversation with him and so much as happened and so much as changed, we have built a life together as husband and wife, we have two children and I now work at a Christian school. When I was pregnant with Lorenzo I didn’t think too much about how I would raise my son and if he would be Catholic or if I let him decide for himself? It wasn’t until he was in my arms I knew I wanted him to be baptized in my family church at St Catherine’s. I knew I wanted him to be raised as a Catholic.

This is I guess where it gets a little bit harder, it’s not just me I have to consider I have to think about how Hayden feels as well. Lorenzo isn’t just my son he’s ours and I have to remember Hayden is not a part of any church and nor does he want that.. so how do I parent my son when his own father won’t go to church.

When Lorenzo was a baby I decided he was too young anyway to stress over to take him with me or not. I began attending my work church Citipointe which yes is Christian, I enjoyed it and found that I could relate and definitely found my love for God again. But here I am Catholic attending a Christian church… How silly do I look!

Does this mean I want to turn Christian? What does this all mean… And what did I want for my family.

Lorenzo is now one and I’ve began to slowly attend my family church again with Lorenzo, he’s definitely still at that age where he doesn’t sit still for too long so I do find it easier if I go alone as my church doesn’t offer kids drop off area well I attend church.

Honestly I felt like a fish out of water my first time back.. I forgot all the prayers, all the songs and I just left feeling deflated. Had I been attending someone else’s church for far too long!

I since haven’t gone back… And this past week or so my friend and I have really been getting into this topic of conversation. We both have husband’s who we wished would go to church more and have both sat down and had our own private conversations with them about our feelings in all this. My reason for wanting Hayden to start attending is that we are a family, we are a whole. And when I go to church and see all these other families all together as one and I’ve rocked up alone or just my son and I it makes me feel so sad for Lorenzo, and my other thought process is when Lorenzo gets older he’s definitely going to play the whole well dad doesn’t have to go so why should I.

Hayden and I had a long very long conversation about all this, and I really am trying not to push him too much but I guess for a marriage to work we both need to do things for each other that sometimes we don’t want to do, we ended up making a compromise and he agreed to special events such as Christmas & Easter which I said I could live with and was very happy. I cried to him the next day and he asked me what was wrong, I said “I know you really don’t want to do this, but you have no idea how much this means to me.” In was in that moment I realised how much love this man has for me and our family and how much love I have for him and nothing can break us.

So to answer my own title & question ” my journey with God” I would have to say 2020 is about finding that out.

Am I attending my family church and being a good Catholic because I want that or I’m pleasing my family?

Am I giving myself 100% into the Catholic church or am I ready to move into being Christian?

Am I doing my all for the Catholic church or could I or should I be doing more?

As a Catholic mum could I be doing more with my children in the way of God!?

So my journey with God has definitely hit a few curve balls this year in terms of growth. But my goal for 2020 is to have this all figured out and by this time next year I hope to write a blog full of life events and this being one of them.

The Caesar family ❌

Family • marriage • faith

When we began our family Hayden and I both sat down and I let him know how I want to raise our children, what I want our family values to be. Before I get into what they all are I want to begin by explaining our own beliefs and values as a couple.

I was raised in a very Catholic household, I spent every second Sunday at church and was also very involved in the church life. Hayden comes from a family who are not Catholic or Christians and grew up in this invorment. I also have some circle of friends who are also not a part of any church.

When Lorenzo was first born hubby and I sat down and I discussed what I wanted, I wanted our children baptized in my family church and I wanted my kids to grow up in the Catholic faith. Hubby was very supportive and agreed that this was important to me it was important to him as well.

My sister’s and I on Lorenzo’s baptism

Lorenzo and I have been attending our family church most Sundays again this is something I have unfortunately not been able to attend every Sunday but my 2020 goal is too make better management for God.

As for hubby I have never forced him to attend church all that I’ve asked is that he supports my beliefs and values. Which he has been, there has been times he hasn’t and this turned into a sit down conversation with him which had a outcome both him and I could agree on. He agreed to be more supportive and allow that, he agreed our children will have a understanding about God and he also agreed when it’s big family church services such as Easter & Christmas he would come to church with us as a family. I never want to push Hayden into something he doesn’t have to do or want to but I’m so thankful he has been so supportive and it just shows how much love and respect we have for each other.

It’s not easy growing up as a Catholic mother when your around some people who are not, sometimes you feel judgement and it’s just easier to not talk about your faith rather be open and share it all.

My love and passion to be a better Catholic comes from my grandmother, she is a very Catholic women who has only ever missed one Sunday mass due to being in hospital. Even when she’s off traveling the world she will find a church and attend. She has detected her week days to helping soup kitchens and most family events she’s even invited friends from her church over who may not of had family around themselves. She the women I’ve grown up to look up too and the women who has given me my faith.

My values I want for my children are to always be kind to others, to be whoever they want to be, to trust in the pathway God has set out for them, for them show love, respect and guidance to others. I want my children to choose their own pathway if this means they don’t want to.follow the word of God I want them to make that choice on their own and understand that God will always be there for them even if they feel they don’t need him in their life at that stage. The reason I have this rule set in place is because I hit a stage where I lost my faith, I stopped going to church and my mother let me and said it was ok. And about two years ago I found myself back in the arms of God and my beliefs have returned, i truly believe that people always find their way back if they really want too, I also believe that even if you don’t believe in a religion someone is always watching over you.

I would love to know if I have any other parents who follow me and also have the same beliefs as I do. I would love to connect and here your story!

The Caesar family.

How I disapline my son

Now don’t be fooled by the title of this blog when it comes to me disapline that word brings my own personal struggles and understanding of what & also how should I actually be teaching my son and guidance to do things, and I guess this is where I turn to other mothers or podcasts to actually get a better understanding.

My two main things I struggle with is fear & the am I. My fear is am I doing my role well, am I showing my son good habits and guiding him in the right direction. And the am I is am I doing a good job, am I a good mother, am I giving him my full attention like he deserves.

Does my child act up because I don’t spend the time I should be with him, what do I want my son to grow into, what is important for me to help my son grow.

Lorenzo will be two in January, and he’s really beginning to test all the boundaries and sometimes I wonder am I doing all that I can, am I disaplining him well, how much should I be, what or how should I be giving disapline? Am I making sure my family values and what I see for my family are being made by me. I’ve recently had to sit down and write down all that I want to be as a mother, all that I can realistically give of myself to my son and teaching these values.

My list was very simple. I want to teach my son what love is, this was actually the first and the most important for me as a mother. I want my son to always no how loved he is.

My second thing was faithfulness, I want my son to choose his own path but we’ll I can I want him to understand his Catholic side as well, I want the church family values to be put into place.

My last one was happiness, I want my son to grow up remembering how much happiness was brought into our home, only happy memories.

The next stuff I wrote down was how as a mother am I achieving these values for my son. Am I bringing all the love I can possibly bring, am I showing him all that our Catholic values have to offer in life and am I bringing happiness to the table.

I think once I achieve all these things I can say that my son’s cup! His cup will be full of all these things and he would have no room to act out, their would be no reason to show disapline.

But as I write this I’ve just added a new thing to think about and add to my list. I still want to set boundaries, I still want my children to know right from wrong. So this brings me back into full circle of how do I disapline my children.

The way I see disapline is not by getting angry or frustration. Because if anything I’ve learnt in my eight years working as a teacher is that this method is out dated and doesn’t work.

Heres how I disapline my son.

• I stay calm, I don’t raise my voice straight away, I definitely use my firm voice when needed but try hard not to get fustrated, when I do feel myself that way that’s when hubby and I tag team and I’ll walk away and allow myself to calm down and he does the same.

• we do have rules and we do try to stay consistent with these rules.

• we give consequences, for example he once threw his Toy truck and continued to do this as he noticed it makes a loud sound he liked. But of course this isn’t teaching him to be gentle with his things, so we set consequences. I said if he continued than the truck would be put away until he can show me he can use his gentle hands. I count to five and give him that time and I am prepared to follow through.

• praise the good! We make a big deal about it when Lorenzo does something good. We make sure he is praised to show him that it feels nice to be good.

• we know when to ingore, this is usually when we have tried to reason but he still has his tantrum so we just walk away and let him finish, and let him no once he’s done we will give him a cuddle.

All this things help hubby and I to keep those healthy relationships we have built with our son, and we always try to stay consent with him.

I definitely think we give our son all the love we possibly can! I’ve spoken with hubby and we are trying to have more time with Lorenzo, not be so set in a routine and coming home and just being inside and doing what we as the parents want to do. We have started every second Thursday we have family dinner nights out as a family. We are spending more time and making sure we are giving him that time. I think our big thing I really think we could be doing more of is bringing the word of God into our home and this is something we will try to work on as a family.

We still struggle with our son but it’s a more “I” thing, my husband makes parenting looks so easy and I’m the one who has to remind myself to calm down, take a break before I snap, I sometimes feel like I could be better and I can give more.

The Caesar family.

17 weeks ~

This week started off amazing! We have some news to share which is we had a scan and when asked if we wanted to know both hubby and I couldn’t help ourselves and we said yes! I know we said we wanted it to be a big surprise but we decided we are not those kind of people!

As im writing this it’s the day after finding out and we still are tossing and turning if we will tell the world or keep it a suprise for everyone else? So I guess you might see this blog or you might not see it?

Gender suprise ~ we went into the scan and the baby looked good, the lady said straight away I know the gender.. hubby and I just looked at each other and started giggling and smiling like two little school kids! She had a more look around and then asked us if we wanted to know the gender? Hubby has always been pro finding out and I was always the one that was pro not finding out! But in that moment I just couldn’t contain it any longer! And so loudly said YES!

We placed our bets before the lady said anything, I was convinced it was a boy! And hubby was team girl! After we placed our bets, the lady said ok are you ready to find out! I closed my eyes and turned my head and when she said the gender, cried the biggest happiest tears ever!

It’s a girl!!! We can’t believe we are having a little girl! This is crazy, we don’t even know how to be parents to a little girl. We are so over joyed with emotions and now we feel like the Caesar family is very much complete and definitely will be closing the baby train after she is born. Our little girl gets a big brother someone to protect her and Lorenzo gets a little sister someone to annoy and love all at the same time.

This week according to the app, our baby girl is the size of a onion!? Although I look and feel much better than that I do get a laugh out of those.

The app also says she is practicing her sucking & swallowing this week. Also I’m now four months pregnant with only five months left to go.

This week’s symptoms:

• indigestion when I eat very salty foods I’ve noticed.

• my soup craving is still very much here and loving it!

• leg cramps

• lower stomach pains ( growing)

Not much in symptoms this week but it’s been a good week for the Caesar family in terms of growth.

Belly shot:

I didn’t do one last week as it hadn’t grown since the weeks before but it’s definitely grown this week. Even had one of my friends at work noticed just how big it is yesterday! She just randomly saw me standing their and said wow you can really see it now!

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be in my work uniform for!

Can’t wait to see what week 18 brings

2019 Christmas gift guide

Who is with me when I say shopping for Christmas gifts can sometimes hard and over thought about!

Honestly I’ve had to crack down on myself and say I will now only buy Christmas gifts for a handful of people. I know they sounds bad but now that I have a family to think about I need to think better with my money. I’m thankful I have a good circle of friends and instead of buying each other gifts we just do a girls night or dinner. Because at the end of the day spending time with your friends is way nothing than receiving a gift.

But for the people I do buy gifts for I begin to make a list and write them all down.

My list:

• Lorenzo’s daycare teachers “he has 3” I like to get them something to say thank you for all they have done in that year and taking care of my child well I have to work.

• in-laws. This one is a tad hard for me as hubby comes from a divorced family and a big one. So I chose family members carefully. And it’s usually something small.

• grandparents, they never want gifts as they have everything they need so I now get Lorenzo to make them a personal gift.

• my family, we do secret santa which has proven to be very good for our family and easy, no one misses out.

• hubby, I buy him something new needs when I buy gifts for him. He just joined gym this month and needs heaps of stuff which I most likely will just buy him a gift card for a workout gear shop, something easy and he’ll like.

• sister in law, again we just buy something small for all the in laws as it’s a very big and not your typical family which we don’t really see all the time. Again maybe a gift card or I know she’s wanted a type of water bottle for a while so maybe just that.

Now that Ive made my list I start online browsing! I have the most fun doing this, I always add things to the cart and just never buy them which for some reason is fun for me! And the things I end up enjoying I’ll most likely go into the actual shop as I like to see in person what I end up buying for someone.

Teacher gifts, last year I gave all his teachers personalised water bottles with their names on them. As a educator myself I know we don’t really need anymore chocolate so I like giving gifts that are actually useful.

I have a gift in mind for this year which I won’t be saying as I know one of his teachers actually reads my blog sometimes and I don’t want to her to see it before I give it to her of course.

But here are some other great ideas.

Now I loved this idea for Lorenzo’s teachers as for the past two months maybe more he’s been collecting rocks from the car park and he brings them in for his teachers every morning or most mornings, but I’m just not this creative and mine wouldn’t turn out as good as this.

Second idea would be something cute that Lorenzo could help make for his teachers.

But again I just don’t have the skill or time!

Gift ideas for family

I love gifts that have meaning and are personal for someone.

I love this idea for my family home and my parents and then they can just extend on when my sister’s begin having their children.

Love, love, love this idea for outside the front of the house for my parents, having our family name and the year my parents married would be so cute!

Other gift ideas for family would be.

Gift idea for men

Like I said my hubby just started going to gym, so I know that this Christmas I’ll be looking at gym related gift ideas as he needs a lot!

I think you honestly can’t go wrong with a good size gym bag!

Or maybe even invest in a really nice pair of gym shoes.

If you have sister’s like me who always started making jokes about “well why did she get the bigger gift?” I like to get them all the same thing but again make it personal.

Also can’t forget the pets of the household! Zues gets spoiled at Christmas!

Last year we bought zues a random gift box full of goodies! This year he has his very on person stocking hanging up that we are planning to fill full of things he loves! Zues is on a pretty strict diet as we like to keep his coat perfect so we don’t like buying just any old foods for him, so we will buy him a doggie treat but it will be from our local pet shop. Zues also loves playing tug of war so definitely a toy related to this! And a new cute outfit or something little like that.

Now if my hubby is reading this blog please pay attention to these gift ideas for the women of the household!

I love a nice pair of comfy PJs and one that I would love that I might end up buying for myself would definitely be from Peter Alexander!

Or maybe something made from our son, love the personal touch.

So many gift guide ideas I can’t! I love buying gifts for others it’s probably the best feeling in the world and watching them open them!? Hubby finds that so weird but I don’t..

The Caesar family ❌⭕

Mental health

I became a mother almost two years ago, pregnancy wasn’t the dream I thought it would be, but hubby and I still were on cloud nine. We were so over joyed to be pregnant and also having a baby boy!

If your new here and haven’t had a chance to go throw all my old pregnancy blogs with my first born, than that’s ok because I’ll catch you up to speed right now. My first pregnancy was very much completed… My first trimester was easy in the sense of I didn’t get morning sickness and when I was sick it was for a week and then I was all good. But unfortunately when I was six weeks pregnant I began to have massive pains in my lower stomach, that’s when I was told I had ovarian cyst’s one of which was 30ml in size! Clearly not normal and something had to be done! In my second trimester very randomly and unexpected after work I began to become very sick, that night I threw up a cup of blood ” the only reason I know it was a cup, is the nurse’s could test how much blood loss.” I was rushed to hospital, Lorenzo’s heartbeat was no where to be found for at least an hour, to this day they can’t explain what was happening. Than in my third trimester when I was 30 weeks I began to leak fluids and started having false contractions every five minutes apart… Again rushed to hospital and they gave me something to stop them and I was told to be put on light duties.

So say my first pregnancy wasn’t normal is an understatement! This made me very on edge and than it only got worse when it was actually my time to give birth, again I have my whole birth story on my blog channel you should take the time to read it.

When you take in all those factors it’s a no brainer as to why I felt the way I did after I gave birth to my son… Lorenzo and I were stuck in a hospital for his first week of life as his blood sugar levels were so low they wouldn’t let him leave, I tried so hard to breast feed but unfortunately he had to pick his weight up so he was half formal fed and half breast fed from the first hour after birth.. with everything going on and just only being a new mother I felt more alone than ever. My first night my son was taken down to the ICU unit for testing and I unfortunately was stuck in my room childless, I thought to myself it’s ok it will be better when we are home and alone and not in this kind of invorment.

My mental health only seemed to become more and more out of control once we got home. I was full of anxiety! Scared something would happen to my son, scared to sleep because I would miss something or he was stop breathing, scared for anyone elses to hold him for too long before I had to have him in my arms again because something bad could happen, scared to let anyone help including hubby because he was my son and as a mother I was meant to have that bond with him which I didn’t feel. I was a ball of mess for at least the first month of his life. I got better, I found a routine and and found my grove again. Than I started work and slowly but surely I noticed I wasn’t better I had just got better at hiding it all.

I decided to get help and I began seeing someone, at first I found it not helpful and after each session I found myself to become more and more upset. But it wasn’t until the end of my sessions with “I’ll call her Mary” for the sake of privacy. It wasn’t until the end of my sessions with Mary that I could actually see that all those times I didn’t think the sessions helped me, or I would leave feeling more unstable or upset was actually my growth, I was finally letting out all my worries about being a mum, all my stress, all my anger towards my body for not handling pregnancy well, my anger towards the hospital I went too. I finally let go of all that I was holding onto on the inside and felt like myself again.

Mental health issues are becoming more and more common after child birth.

When I first became I new mum Instagram and any form of social media was my black hole, I used to see how these perfect mother’s were so carefree and having the time of their lives being a mother… I used to look at them and think to myself why can’t I be like that, why can’t I look that great just after giving birth. It took me months to really learn the truth and realise they only want you too see the good and sugar coat what motherhood is actually like. This is when I made my Instagram page ( thecaesarfamily ) and told my viewers that I’ll share the good, bad & in between. I’m that friend in real life that always has your back and speaks the truth and this also is the same for all my social medias.

Mental health isn’t something someone should feel embraced about, no new mother or anyone for that matter should be like they are the only ones going through it because 50% of the time you are not alone. I definitely think there should be way more of a support system for new mothers, I wish I was more informed in this area and was prepared for everything I may or may not face but at least I would of been prepared!

In hospital they have a breastfeeding class for new mothers but I think they also need to add a self help class, where mothers can sit and listen and be educated on how you might be feeling or how you will feel, ways to cope with your feelings and also understand it’s ok to have those feelings.

The Caesar family ❌⭕